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FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. 

Slje Slctfnu H^ftfon. 

/ No. CCIX. 



AMERICANS IN PARIS; 



A GAME OF DOMINOES. 



^ Comtbg, in Sifeo ^cts. 



TO WHICH ARE ADDED 

A description of the Costume — Cast of the Characters — Entrances and Exits — 

Relative Positions of the Performers on the Stage, and the whole of the 

Stage BuBlness. 



AS PERFORMED AT WALLACE'S THEATRE. 

<4 

I Entered according to Act of Congress, in tlie year 1858, by Samuel French, in the Clerk's Offla* 
of the District Court of the United States for the Southern District of New York. 



N E W Y 0>R K : 

SAMUEL FRENCH, 

122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs.) 



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Cast of tjje ttjaracters. — [Americans in Paris.] 



Wallack's, 1858. 

Arthur Morris Mr. Lester 

Doctor Botherer Mr. Blake 

Monsieur Lamouret Mr. Davenport 

Colonel De Sabres Mr. Qrosvenor 

Monsieur De Lucenay Mr, Tree 

Bapiisie Mr. Jeffries 

Joseph Mr. Parsloe 

Amelia, ^vife of Morris Mr. Hoey 

Ajinie, wife of Dr. Botherer Miss Gannon 

(K s t u m c . — Present Day. 

Time iu Representation — one hour and thirty minutes. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 



L. means First Entrance, Left. R. First Entrance, Right. S. E. L. 
Second Entrance, Left. S. E. R. Second^^ttrance, Right. U. E. L. 
Upper Entrance, Left. U. E. R. Upper Entrance, Right. C. Centre. 
L. G. Left Centre. "R. C. Right of Centre. T. E. L. Third Entrance, 
Left. T. E. R. Third Entrance, Right. C. D. Centre Door. D. R. 
Door Right. D. L. Door Left. U. D. L. Upper Door, Left. U. D. R. 
Upper Door, Right. 

*<,* The reader is supposed to be on the Stage, facing tlie Audience. 



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AMERICANS IN PARIS, 



ACT I. 

SCENE I.— Parlor in Mr. Morris' Eause. 
Enter Joseph and Lamouket, l. c. 

Jos. Monsier Lamouret. ^^ /xp/^^^-^ -/'^^•^^^^-i^^^ < 

Lam. [Coninig sn.] Is Jfadarae Jforris at home ? 

Jos. Yes, sir ; she has not yet lei't the table. 

Lam. M. Morris, then, is dining out ? >5^ 

Jos. I suppose so, sir. Madame waited until sBveia o'clock. 

Lam. Ila! ha! [Aside.] Then he didn't tell her. {Aloud.'] Joseph.* 

Jos. \_Going out, but stopping at the door.] Sir. 

Lam. I think I didn't give you your Christmas box the other day. 

Jos. Oh, sir, that doesn't signify. 

Lam, 1 fogot it, my man. \i\x\i [puts his hand in his pocket] jOMVi on' i 
lose by that. I say, Joseph ; you like your place, I suppose? 

Jos. I've been in the family, sir, ever since they came to Paris. 

Lavi. That's a good old-fashioned reason, but now-a-days you might 
have a better. I suppose they give you good wages? 

Jos. Capital. 

Lam. Then of course you like your place ; and you must be anxious 
to have things go on smoothly, to have your master and mistress on 
the best terms with one another, and well, sometimes, / have thought 
that — hey ? [Plays with his purse. 

Jos. [Stupidly.] I don't know, sir. 

Jjam. Oh. you know what I mean. You see, I am so intimate 
with both Madame and Monsieur Morris, and they are here so far from 
home ; and — and — a — What do you think of things among you 
down stairs? 

Jos. Nothing but what is right, sir. 

Lam. They never say sharp things to one another at table, I hope? 

Jos. I never listen, sir ; aad tlioy speak En g lish wboa tboy ftw 



4 AJIEH1CAXS IN PARIS. 

Lam. Ah, yes! But then the tone, you know — it isn't the words 
that signify. VVbon a womiia ohooeoB to coy provol t iag thing s, she 
may talk Chinoeo if s bo liko a man oan't help iindopotanding h er. 

Jos. I never watch them, sir, when they are talking. 

Lam. [Aside, pulling back his purse.'\ Then what the devil does he 
do? 

Jos. [Smiling.] I will let Madame know that Monsieur is here. 

[Exit, K, 

Lam. There's an astute servant ! The fellow doesn't earn his salt, 
and it was devilish lucky I didn't begin by giving him six francs. Never 
mind. I'lJ bet that something is wrong in the house. Not a bad job, 
either. Madame Morris is charming — all these New York women are. 
I dare say I should have been fool enough to marry her myself, if 1 
hadn't been so afraid of sea-sicliuess that I wouldn't accept Morris' in- 
vitation to visit him over yonder among his Cainanches and his Mis- 
sissippies. However, it's better late than never — perhaps better late 
than ever. If I had married her she might have disgraced herself by 
taking a fancy to Morris. Now she is married to Morris she may aspire 
to a fancy for me. In fact, I strongly suspect she is beginning to look 
that way already, and only needs a little encouragement. Decidedly, 
it is my duty as a Frenchman and a gentleman to give her a lift. 

Enter Amelia, k. h., and Joseph, brinying a U^ht, which he pltiec e on the 
matiiio^ and begino to poke th i ; ^iv. 

Ame. [Graciornhj.] Ah ! good evening, my dear Monsieur Lamouret. 
Why did you not come in a little sooner, Ihat I might have had the 
pleasure of your company at dinner? I was alone. 

Lam. [ With a conceited air.] A tete-a-tete ! Ah, Madame ! there 
would have been half-a-dozen suicides to-morrow if I had been so for- 
tunate. 

Ame. [Aside] What a bore he is ! [Alotid] Joseph, did Monsieur 
Morris tell you when he went out that he shouldn't come in to dinner? 

Jos. No, Madame. 

Ame. Nor that he should come home late ? 

Jos. He left no message at all, Madame. 

Ame. It's very singular. [JosEFUgoesout, c. Site looks at the time-piece, 
and says, aside,] Ki!|l»4t0^clock_!_«3 

Lam. [Aside.] There's something wrong. [Aloud.] Are you uneasy, 
Madame ? No doubt Morris has been kept down town by his business. 

Ame. So I suppose. One can't always get away from one's office, 
and I believe there is a steamer from Havre to-morrow. 

Lam, Ah I It's a pity, though, that one shouldn't give one's wife 
a word of notice. [L i at manik . 

Ame. Oh ! one can't think of everything. 

Latn. And husbands never think of anything. 

Ame. You don't seem to have a good opinion of husbands. 

Lam. [Smilinc/.] Not I ! They are abominable creatures — I have 
the worst possible opinion of them. 

Ame. And the best possible opinion of yourself, I suppose. 

Lam. Undoubtedly ; and I don't marry because I don't wish to lose 
ray own respect. 



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AMERICANS IN PARIS. Q 

Amc. Well, I dare say you are right, as a Frenchman particularly ; 
but I assure you there are some good husbands ia the world. 

Lam. Really ! 

Ante. Mine, for instance. 

Lfim. Ob. heaven forbid I should question thai! He is my dearest 
friend ; and then [boicing in an overivhehnnp manner'\ he has every pos- 
sible excuse for declaring himself an exception to the rule. 

Ante. Of course he has to devote himself to business. Life in Paris 
is so expensive ; and then he must think of the children. But he 
sufTers more thau I do from the restraint which his occupation imposes 
on our intercourse. And we have been so very happy always ; and 
with all your art, you Parisians have never succeeded in turning his 
head. We live as quietly here, almost, as in New York. 

Lam. That domestic Paradise! Ah, Madame! how frivolous an 
existence here must seem to you, accustomed, as you were, to the 
Bobriety and economy of that Puritanic capital in which you were 
born ! 

, Ame, [Simply.] I see but little of it, and my husband is so much 
engaged. ' 

Ijani. \_Aside'\ I am wrong — there is nothing the matter. 

Ame. But, pray, take a chair. [Lamouret is about to sit down — Mrs. M. 
listens.'] Hark, a carriage ! perhaps it is M. Morris. ,^. 

\_She opetis the window and looks out. 

Lam. She certainly is uneasy; she certainly has a presentiment. 
Lamouret, my boy. you are iu the right track— attention ! [Amelia 
slams the windmo to.] All right! she is perfectly savage. [She sits down, 
and iuatches tip her embroidery.] Splendid ! they'll have a glorious 
blow-up this night ! 

AmeiL[Composing herself.] What have you been about this week? 
Any balls? Anything new at the theatres? 

Lam. Oh ! I dare say. But I am so weary of all that kind of thing. 
The heart is left unsatisfied — — 

Ame. [Internipting hirn.] I went to the last concert. 

Lam. With Morris? 

Ame. [ Vexed.] No ! With Doctor Botherer and his wife. 

Lam. Ah ! the inseparables — the Siamese couple. There is a model 
dove cot. 

Ame. [A little provoked.] Yes, certainly ; you never do see one of 
them without tlie other. Tiiey carry it so far that the doctor refused 
to be my boy's godf((ther with any other godmother but his wife. 

Lnm. What scrupulous fidelity! It's really quite discouraging. 

Avie. Discouraging! to whom ? 

Lam. To all the adorers of Madame Botherer. 

Ame. There's you French ! ^^-t^tfr^-f^^'^'^^- 

Enter Joseph, c, throwing open the dow. 

Jos. Madame Botherer. 

Lam. [Rising.] Ah ! Madame Botherer. X /% oc 
Am4. Show her in. [Aside.] If she will only take this simpleton 
away ! 



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'2) 



8 AMERICANS IN PARIS. 

Enter Annie, c 

Atinie. Good day, my dear. [Seeing Lamoubet.] Ah ! I beg your 
pardon ; I interrupt you. 

Ame. Not at all. This is Monsieur Tjamouret, an "old friend of my 
husband. [Lamodret and Annie exchange salutes. 

Annie. The doctor has just gone out to visit a patient, and I took 
advantage of his absence to come down and ask a favor of you. I 
thought you were alone. 

Lam. {Taking up his hat.'] Secrets! then permit me to bid you good 
flay. 

Ame. What, you are not going ? 

Annie. Pray don't let me drive you away. 

Lam. By no manner of means.<^But I just remember an engage- 
meat. I will come back a little later, in the hope of finding Morris 
at home. 

Ame. You may be sure he won't be long out. 

Lam. \_Aside.] If I could only find out where my gay frieiid has 
been dining. I'll just reconnoitre the street as far as the Caf6 
Anglaise. [Alovd.'\ Ladies, your servant. ^, \_Exit. 

Ame, [ Gfosem s l ] Thank heaven, he has gone. I am infinitely 
obliged to you, my dear Madame. 

Annie. [ ■ Ofwrne. m ] What, for driving off your adorer ? 

Ame. For ridding rao of a tedious creature, who can't utter three 
consecutive words of common sense. {Crod-tes, L. 

Annie. Well, my dear, if I have done you so good a turn, you 
Burely will do me another? 

Ame. With all my heart. But what is it? 

Annie. Just to put on a blue domino that I have prepared, all ready 
for you, and go with myself and Madame de Lucenay, and Madame 
Giraud, at midnight, to the masked ball at the opera. 

Ame. My dear Madame Botherer, what on earth can you be thinking 
of? 

Annie. Why, my dear child, I don't mean any sort of harm ; I only 
want to amuse myself a little, and I thought, as you were a stranger, 
you would like to see the ball as well as me ; and Monsieur Jlorris, I 
am sure, won't object when he comes home, even if you ask him. 

Ame. I should never dare to think of asking him such a question. 
Why, isn't it frightfully improper and imprudent, and 

Annie. [»SW*.] And entertaining. Yes, my love, it is excessively en- 
tertaining, everybody dtclares, and I shall never have such a chance 
again in all my life ; for to-night the doctor is to go to the hospital 
at twelve o'clock, and for the first time since my marriage, I shall be 
left alone for three or four hours of the night. 

Ame [Literrupting.'] And I wish with all my heart that I could say as 
much, for Mr. Morris is continually leaving me alone. 

Annie. Now don't be troubled about that, my child. If you 
'knew what it is to be bored to death by a devoted spouse, as I am! 
It's very odd. My husband, I suppose, treats me like an American, 
and yours treats you like a Frenchman, and we are neither of us satis- 
fled. But never mind that. We didn't make the world, and we can't 




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AMERIcInS in PARIS. 

mend it, and I don't find any fault with anybody. And you must 
come to the ball to-night. 

Awe. Indeed, I assure you, it is altogether out of the question, and 

I should never think of And where in the world can Mr. Morris 

be ? [ Walks about, very much agitated. 

Annie. Now, my dear, do compose yourself. If you fall into sueh 
an excitement, you wiU quite get beside yourself. And when Mr. 
Morris does come home, you will just drive him out again with a flur- 
ry of questions. He may hate to be questioned, and maybe he is per- 
fectly sick with your tears, even hate to be cried at ; and, my dear, 
take my advice : Change your tactics ; wear a pleasant and smiling 
face, and show by your manner that you trust and confide, and thus 
make his home so happy that he will always be glad to return to it. 

O- Enter Joseph, icho throios open the door. 

Jos. Mr. Morris. 

Annie. [Hurriedly/.] We will talk about this another time. [Sits. k. ry/\ 

Enier Moeeis. (IT', -4^ 

Mor. Ah, my dearest Amelia ! how excessively annoying. \Seemg 
Anxik.] Ah, Madame ! I am delighted to see you. I hope you"Have 
been keeping ray wife company during all this time that I have beea 
kept away from her by a confounded bore — a man that I met. 

Ame. Ah ! a man that you met ! Where did you dine, then ? 

Mcrr. We dined — we dined — at the Cafe. 

Ame. [Looking at him suspiciously.] And you dined pretty well, too, 
if I am to judge by your eyes. 

3Ior. Good, that! my dear. Judge by my eyes ! Why, so far from 
that, we had the simplest dinner possible — quite a parson's dinner. 
A mutton chop, some codfish, and just a bottle of claret between us. 
Unless you see the codfish in my eyes, my dear, I am sure I don't 
know what you do see there. [Aside.] Damn that champagne ! Do 
what we like, it always will show ; it's as bad as scgars. 

A7nc. And pray, with whom did you eat this self-denying dinner? 

3for. With whom! Oh, my dear, if I should tell you you wouldn't 
know. 

Ame. [Petulantly.] Never mind. Who was he ? 

Mor. Well, then, he was — he was a merchant, a merchant of Buf- 
falo, suddenly called home from a town in Palestine, by the 
news of the panic and the pressure in Brazil, and who want's some 
accommodation. A Mr. — [hesitatingly] — a Mr. — Stiffelbackenhoven. 

Ame. What a name ! One would really suppose you had cooked it 
np. 

Mor. Ha, ha ! very fine — very funny indeed. First you see a cod- 
fish in my eyes, and then you charge me with cooking up names. I 
beg leave to ask, in the most respectful manner, whether you distinctly 
object to that gentleman from Buffalo bearing the name Stiffelbacken- 
hoven ? 

Annie [Laiiyhing.] Ha, ha ! it certainly is a very droll name. 

Mor. [Laughing, too.] No, do you think so ? It's a New York name 



sorry tc 

Ante. 

/\ , Mor. 

f^M utes, or 

XJ/ for 



8 AMERICANS IN PARIS. 

— a New York name. Jly wife ought to know it. A very respecta' 
ble name ; a name of Dutch origin, like many other things in New 
York. Stiffdbackenhoven ! 

Ame. Very well ; and where have you been all day long ? 

Mor. Eh ! more questions ! [^Addresses Annie.] Would you believe 
it, Madame, I can never go in or out of the house without undergo- 
ing a cross-examination. Where are you going? Where have you 
been ? AVhat have you seen ? And do you know, questions craze me, 
vex me, turn me inside out, swell np my head as big as three. [Ad- 
daesses Amelia.] Well, Madame, I've been at the exchange. Are you 
satisfied wjth that? ( ^Z^'ftrS. /,-Af /^4f^\Wots to fire-place. 

Annie. Of course he has.\[/« a low voice to Ameli^.] Go and speak 
to him. ■ . 

Ame. [Going np.] And you've only been at the exchange? 

Mor. Why. certainly. 

Ame. Are you sure ' 

Mor. The whole blessed long day. Are you still out of sorts? 

Ame. [Pulting out her hand.] No, I am not. 

Mor. [Kissing her hand.] So much the better. I should have been 
sorry to quit you out of temper. 

Ame. Quit me! You are not going out again? 

Mor. Oh ! not immediately ; a quarter of an hour or twenty min- 
utes, orso. I have an engagement; some bills to draw to-night for — 



Ame. For Mr. Stiffleblaxenhuffen. perhaps. 

Mor. Exactly ; he leaves in the steamer from Havre to-morrow. 

Ame. And I am to stay here alone, am I ? I shall die of ennui. 
But what does that matter ? Once more or less. [Crosses to L. 

Mor. [fvipatiently.] One would really suppose I wanted to go out. 
[Aside.] Why the devil did I make such a fool of myself as to come 
in? 

Annie. [J.^Wf /o Amelia.] Ah, my dear ! would to heaven my Both- 
erer knew a StiClobackenlioven. 

Both. [0)1 the landing.] A^ory well. Joseph; I don't need, by Jove, 
to be announced. [EnUring.] Friends, your humble slave. 

[Amelia bows. 

Mor. [ J' » ¥>o( i fla hi« } t m \ d .] Good evening, doctor. 

Annie. What, back already! You didn't stay long with your two 
patients. 

Both. Why shoald I? Nothing the matter with No. 1; No. 2 dead, 
stone dead ; ninety-five years of age ; no fault of mine that he died. 

3[or. [Gady.] Ah, doctor! it is the exception that proves the rule. 

[Sits down by the fire-place. 

Both. Joker ! [ To Anxie.] When I came in, they said you were 
here ; and so here am I. 

Annie. [Aside.] Of course. 

Both. Allow me to embrace my wife. [Ki.s.'.es her.] a way I have — I 
never enter or leave my house without this formality. I have bor- 
rowed the custom from ray father, who never abandoned it for more 
than half a century. I trust to follow his example. - 

A7mic. [Asidt and smiling.] There is a pleasant perspective. 



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MERICANS IS PARIS. 



Both. [To MoRuis.f Now, then, my dear Mr. Morris, what a bit of 
quicksilver you are. What do you do? Where do you go? I never 
stumblaon you at your office or at the exchange. 

Mor. [Diflurbcd.] Why, did you go there to-day ? 

Jioih. Three times, to ask you about those Erie bonds of mine 
Couldn't find you ] supposed you were afraid to face an indignant 
Europe. [Laughing. 

Mor. You didn't loolc for me, then. 

Ame. No, you didn't lools for him ; he was there all day long. 

Mor. All day long. 

Both. Allow me. At two o'clock I saw you in the Rue Jombert. 

Ame. The Rue Jombert! 

Mor. Saw me ! 

Both. Yes, yes! Why, the deuce, man, I am not near-sighted. I 
saw you perfectly well — you were coming out of No. 19. I ran after 
yon, but bah ! your cab drove ofl' so fast I 

Mor. [Aside.] I wish to heaven it had smashed you, you old blab ! 
[Aloud.] Why yes, I recollect now ; I was in the Rue Jombert just 
about two o'clock. I went to a banker there about some discounts. 

Both. Banker ! No. 19 ! There isn't the ghost of a banker there ! 

Ame. What? 

Both. I attend the whole house. 

Ajinie. [Aside.] Poor iMr. Morris! [Goes up L. o/Botherer. 

Both. First floor, M. d'Haussay, the deputy ; Second floor, M. Lann- 
bert, foreign office ; third floor 

Mor. [Angrily.] For heaven's sake, don't rnake out an assessor's 
list of them ! I went to see M. d'Haussay. Z^(/<^<^. 

Both. Why, he's in the country 1 

Ame. In the country ! 

Mor. No, he isn't ; he has come back ! 

Both. Pooh! pooh! 

Mor. This very morning ! 

Both. lie only went yesterday ! 

Miyr. [Aside.] What torture! [Alovd.] Well, what of that 1 Can't y 
one change one's mind on the way '? 

Ame. [Ironically i] Eh! Of course, doctor, my husband is right. __^. 
You set off to-day lor the country ; you come back to-morrow. What rc^r^s^ 
more natural % and then, you know, a representative of the people 
may very well be a banker — it's not unconstitutional in France, I 
suppose, though I never heard of a banker who represented the people 
in America. 

Mor. [ylsifZe.] She's making fun of me ! Can't blame her ! 

Both. The Baron d'Haussay a banker! Why, he's a chemist. A 
chemical banker ! 

Mar. [Qmkly:] Why not ^ The Chemical Bank is the only bank 
that has not gone in New York. He's their agent ; that's the reason 
I went to him. [Aside.] Hold your tongue! 

Both. [Atruizfd.] Eh ! what ! 

Annie. [On live other sid^.] Hold your tongue ! 

Both, [Confused.] Eh ! what ! What's the matter with them alH | 

Ame, [Aside.] He has^ftwl4» viXQl,tr^<rc^>^'^'^G^ 



rt AMERICANS IN PAEIS, . ji 

Annie. [Aside.] Amelia will break out, and then there will be a 
scene ! 

iJnter Joseph. <^ 

il/or. [To Joseph.] Tv'ell now ! AVhat do you -nanf? 

Jos. I beg pardon, sir ; but Madame Botherer's maid has just come 
down to speak with her. 

Annie. Ah ! yes, I know what she wants. [Aside.] That'll make a 
diversion. 

Both. What's it, my duck 1 

Annie. Oh, nothing ; something about a dress. Amelia dear, will 
you come with me 1 

Ame. [Agitated.] Yes, yes ; I will come with you. ^_^ 

Annie. [To Jur husband.] You'll find me up stairs. -^^^ 

Ame. [Looking at lier hmband.] Oh, I long to be alone with him! 

Mor. [Meeting his u'i/e's eye.] Oh, Lord ! I am in for it now ! 

[Exeunt Amelia and Annte, c. 

JUor. [To BoTffERER.] You are charming ! you are obliging — I am 
highly indebted to you ! 

Both. Now then ! what is going on"? What ails you^ Have you a 
fever 1 

Mor. Are you blind "? Are you an owl 1 Didn't you see what I 
was going through with 1 ^s) 

Both. Now, now ! lefs be calm, let's be calm, my dear friend ! One 
must be calm when one is undergoing a diagnosis. [Proceeds to feel his 
pulse.] Wiiere is the pain ■? 

JUor. Bah ! I am just as well as you are ! [Botherer l/>oks at him, 
amazed.] What the devil made you tell my wife you saw me in the 
Rue Jombert 1 

Both. Why 1 was it wrong 1 [Confused. 

Mor. [r.] Yes. by Jupiter, it was wrong. If I choose to say to Ame- 
lia that I passed the whole day at the exchange, I should like to know 
why you must set about undeceiving her '\ 

Both. My dear friend, I am so little accustomed to snares and de- 
vices and secrets 

Mor. At least, when you seen me standing there, stnpid and struck 
dumb, you might have tried to mend matters, and patch up the busi- 
ness — but no ! no ! you must go on, and on, and on ! 

Both. It's true ; I went on, and on, and on. 

Mor. And, thanks to you, I shall have the cursedest row! 

Both. [Goodnaturedly.] No, no! because you went to a banker — a 
Chemical Bank-er! 

Mor. Good heaven ! you don't mean to say you believed thall 

Both. Why, of course ! You said so— I believed it! .-^ 

Mor. I wish to the Lord you were my wife, indeed I do'y^/S'7i« didn" 
believe one word of it. ' 

Both. Eh ! what ! Then you hadn't been to see M. d'Haussayl 

Mor. [Angrily.] Damn the man ! I never so much as heard of him. 

Both. Now! I knew it couldn't be so. Coming back so suddenly 
from the country! Discount and analysis arm-ia-arm! Ah! it 
wasn't the least bit probable. 



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AMEKtCANS IN PARIS. 11 

Mot. And now, when my wife demands an explanation — and she 
u,,7/ — what am I to say ? 

Both. [AmmhJy.]S>-AY\ Why, what should you say 1 Jast the trutn^;^ / 

Mor. Oh yes! that's very fine ; but there are circumstances. — - ^fc^.c^\ 

Both. There are m circumstances, you will say, after embracing 
her ; for a kiss, you see, smooths the way ; it is an emollient, is a 
kiss. You will say, " My own darling, I was coming from"— [re/Z«cte] \ 
— by the way, where was you coming from '? / • 

Mor. Coming from— I was coming from — ^I was coming from— the 
third floor. 

Both. Ah ! but the third floor is a woman. 

Mor. Undoubtedly ! and a very charming woman ! 

Both. "Wretched man ! I fear I am beginning to understand you. 
This trick, this falsehood, this third floor ! Ah ! what desperate symp- 
toms! Are you, then, threatened with an attack of infidelity 1 

Mot. Ob. my heavens, you are stark mad. 

Bot h. [Severely.] M. Morris, how do you explain your visits to that 
young and lovely woman "? 

Mor. You visit her yourself. ) ^-p > « V 

Both. Oh, I go as her physician, i /^J^-t^ -i-^J-^' 

Mor. I go as her broker. 

Both. [ Surpri.^ed.'] Ah ! 

Mor. Yes, I buy American stocks for her ; when you saw me there 
to-day, I had just been consulting with her. 

Both. No, really 1 [Takes his hand.] My dear friend, I am ifoo glad 
to hear what you say. I was beginning to think — but since you are 
her broker, it changes the whole mattei'. Forgive me, my dear friend 
forgive me. 

Mor. Moreover, you knew I was acquainted with that lady, for I 
have often asked you after her. 

Both. You are right, you are perfectly right. But my dear friend, 
I don't sec that you shouldn't tell all that to your dear wife. 

Mor. Now then, you don't ! I put it to yourself : When a lovely 
invalid sends for you, do you talk about her to Mrs. Botherer. 

Both. Yes. 

Mor. But, if it is a woman of fashion, sick with a whim, and sitting 
in a delicious boudoir, and supporting her pensive head upon a dim- 
pled hand, and burying in cushions of velvet, an exquisite arm. Do 
you tell all that to your wife 1 

Bath. Yes, I tell my wife everything ; besides exquisite arms, 
dimpled hands, all that is one to me. I look at everything in a scien- 
tific point of view. 

Mor. And I look at everything in a financial point of view, but the 
diS'erence is, you see, you have a confiding wife, and I a most jeal- 
ous — 

Both. That is because you hide things from her. Now look at 
Annie, she is still as a toad, and yet she knows that I go to see that 
lady in the Rue Jombert ; that I go there vctry often — she is a most 
extraordinary patient — sends for me half a dozen times a day — now 
it ia a headache, then neuralgia — but it don't signify — whatever else 




12 AMEEICANS IX PARIS. 

it is, il is always her francs for me. By the way, I just ct^mc from 
her. ) 

3Tor. [Astonished.] What ! this everHi>g. ^y*<^r^*^^ - 

Both. Ves, just as I was going to dinner she sent for me. 

Mor. [Affected indifference.] And what was the matter to-BJgit. 
V ^^ Both. [Gaily.] Ohyto»mf?b1)> was the turn of her headache. 
^ff Mor. [Aside and vexed.] Devil ! Then she cannot receive me ! 
'■/^ \ Both. I heard the door shut, perhaps aifr wife — [Looking! out.] No ; 
* jt is my dear Annie going up stairs. I'll go after her. Dear soul, she 
can't live without me. Ah Morris, Morris, follow my example, give 
up your stratagems, your deceits. See, there you tremble like an aspen 
to the thought of your wife, while I march to meet mine, my heart 
at rest, my head up like another Bayard. Good-bye. [Exit, c. 

Mor. Ah, can't receive me ! Confounded headache, and yet when I 
left at the Cafe Vessau, she said this evening. How annoying it is! 
and yet I can't help laughing when I thinli of that poor Doctor Both- 
erer unconsciously playing the part of Cupid's post-man. Headache 
— can't be seen — neuralgia— I am expected ; and he never suspects 
anything. [Clianges tone.] What do I gain by it 1 In the street I am 
afraid somebody will see me. At home I am afraid that I shall be- 
tray myself. I am afraid to drink a glass of champagne in mine own 
house, and now that muddle-headed Botherer must come in, and stir 
up my wife.OHeavens ! here she is ; the storm is about to break. Furl 
sails ! and let the tempest pass over ! now look out for thunder. 

c/V^:ii^^ ^^ /^/^^*^^ [Sits on so/a, 'L. 

Ame. [Coming lip very gently.']/^ Avthnrl [He looks surprised.] Give 
me your hand and forgive me ! 

Mor. What ? Forgive you ! / forgive you ? 

Ame. Just now before our friends I vexed you with tears. I vexed 

you [Morris makes a sign.] Oh ! I understand you — men do not 

like to render an account of their doings, and the husband who is 
suspected, is already almost lost ! 

31'or. [Rising.] Can you believe ! 

Ame. Dearest, henceforth I shall wait for your confidence. I shall 
not command it. 

3Ior. [Aside.] No more questions. No more quarrels! "What a 
splendid operation. 

Ame. Now, you are not still angry with me ? 

Mor. I ! Can you imagine it ? 

Ame. [Taking up his hat from the piano."] Now that peace is made, I 
wilt not detain you. 

Mor. What! 

Ame. Did you not say that you had an engagement. My dear I 
ask nothing about it. Go and come home — well — as soon as you can. 

iMorris. [Aside.] Since I have no reasons for going out, suppose I 
make a virtue of staying at home. 

Ame. You do not go? 

Mor. No, my darling, and I sliall not go ! 

^»ne. What ! not go ? And this business ? 

Mor. Oh, my dear, there is no business pressing? You are so good, 



rf^**^ 






AMERICANS IN PARIS. ^ jg 

SO sweet. I must have the pleasure of passing the evening with you. 

^me. Truly '.' And you will make such a sai-'-ifiee ? 

Mor. Sncrilice! not a bit of it! 

Ame. I am so afraid you will Gad it tedious. 

Mor. Tedious ! with you! with my own dear wife ! 

Ame. Ah, how happy you make me. {Aside.'] How lucky I took 
Annie's advice. \_Aloud.'] Arthur? 

[MoKRis cmhraca his xvife, just on the moment when LknovRET enters, a- 
comes doivn, r. 

Lam. ^Astonished.] Oh ! [Aside.] . PreUy business this! I've stum- 
bled on a »3kii>g up. , ^^^•c^^^tr^^'^^'^'*^- 

Mor. Ah ! Lumouret, it's you, is it ? 

Ame. Oh, yes, I had forgotten to tell you that Mr. Lamouret was 
here once before this evening. 

IFor. Indeed ! 

Lam. Yes, I stopped as I was going by. 

Mor. But what is the matter with you ?;^Yo»-4<K)kN*r8«bkd. 

A'^'.. Perhaps the business that took you out, awhile ago. 

Lam. Precisely. 

Ame. Nothing gone wrong, I hope ? 

Lam. Everything, Madame! I have thrown away a cab fare, and 
an hour's time. I've lost a chance. 

Mor. Oh. well, you'll find another one of these days, I dare say. 

Lam. So I hope. \_Aside.] Where, In the devil's name, did he dine? 

Ame. [Aside.] Now I wonder if he is going to stay. 

Lam. So, Morris, you mean to stay at home, do you ? 

Mor. Yes, my dear fellow, I consecrate this hour to my wife. 

Lam. [Forcing a smile.] Charming! [Aside.] And I expected to find 
them at sixes and sevens! 

Mor. [Goinfjvp.] I'll just send for Botherer and hia wife. We'll 
have some whist. Joseph ? 

Lam. And if I doa"t intrude. 

Mor. Nonsense! I thought you always went to the club, like all 
the rest of the lazy men. 

Lam. Not till midnight. I meet some friends there— the Viscount 
Mangerin, Colonel de Sabres. 

Mor. Ah ! Colonel de Sabres. I know him, he dabbles in stocks. 

Lam. And he dabbles in love too. [Jl.»i<is.] He's in love now with 
a charming widow, they say, Madame Florentine. 

Mor. [Quickfi/.] You know her? 

Lam. Not at all ! [Aside.] I only know that she lives in the Rue 
Jom%««*. 

Mor. [Coughing furiously:] Joseph ? 

Enter Joseph, c. 
Joseph, go for some ice creams. 

Avie. What? 

Mor. Ice creams, my dear. You know you always like them, and 
though you can't be persuaded that Tortoui's is as good as Mail- 
lard's 



^ 



14 AMERICANS IN PABI8. 

Am. It is very kind of you 1 

Lam. By Jove ! playing the honeymoon ! 

Mor. And Joseph ! go to the doctor's, and beg him and his wife to 
oome nnd take a hand with ns after supper. [Ezii, Joseph, c. 

Lam. Oh, don't send Joseph. I'll take the message myself. I'm 
going to consult the Doctor about my palpitations. {Lays his hand on 
his lieart.] This organ js so sensitive ! 

3Ior. Pooh! stuff! nonsense! You are only hypochondriac — get 
married. *t , '^" 

Jjom. [Going ont-l I'll be back directly. .[>4stif.] Let's see what I 
can do in the Rue Jombert. Nothing going on here! [Exit, c. 

Ame. And now, dear Arthur, while we wait for our friends, come 
and sit by my side. [She draws an arm-chair to the fire. ' 

Mor. Just so; let's sit down. 

Ame. Ah, my dear Arthur, how long it is since I have had you so 
to myself. 

Mor. [Holding out his hand.'] There is a good time coming, my dear, 
you know, and what is so good as to be stretched out comfortably in 
a good arm chair? 

Ame. [Taking lJie-ek»ir at his side.'] And near one's wife. 

Mor. And near the fire. 

Ame. One has so many things to say. 

Mor. [Tenderly.] So many things, dearest child. [Clwnges his tone.'] 
Don't you think the chimney smokes? 

Ame. Not at all! 

3Ior. Perhaps not, perhaps it's only a notion. 

Ame. [Tenderly.] Arthur ! 

3Ior. [Taking tip the ncia^paper.] Just allow me, darling, to glance 
at the article about these French Chambers. 

Ame. Oh, what are you going to bury yourself in ! 

Mor. Nothing ! nothing, only I didn't see the papers today, and it's 
fio interesting. I can't get over my New York habits. [Tenderly.] 
You wouldn't have me get over my New York habits. 

Ame. [Tenderly.] No, dearest, not I. 

31or. But this is so odd. A " Poll tax on dogs,' '.^Belgian coals"— i 

Ame. Now, darling, pray put it down. I don't know anything 
about your politics. 

il/or^Ah, they have killed the tax. That's all I cared to know. 
'^ [ Throws the paper down. 

Ame. [Joyously."] Now let us speak of ourselves — of our memories — 
of 

Mor. Of our love. 

Ame. I hardly dared pronounce that word. 

3Ior. Why so ? 

Ame. Why, I sometimes have thought you love me less than when — • 

Mor. Love you less! I that am always, as much as possible, that 

is, at your side. I that at this moment Confound it the chimney 

certainly does smoke ! 

Ame. [ Vexed.] Still the chimney ! 

Mor. They can't build a chimney in France. I've sent to the land- 
lord at last. 



4 




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AMERICANS IN PARIS. 15 

Ame. Shall I open the window ? 

Mor. Ob, no, thank you. Not to freeze us — does your chimney 
smoke ? 

Ame. [Crossly. 1 Not a bit. 

Mor. iSo much for taking a house. You preferred it, you know, 
dear, and here we are caught. Confounded smoke — and we were talk- 
ing 80 nicely. What were we talking about? 

Jivie. Oh, I've forgotten. Ah, shall I play for you a little ? 

Mor. [Slrdchinff out in his chair.'} Yes, yes, that is just the thing. 
Sing, dear, sing, and I will be your audience. I'll applaud you like 
a whole academy gallery. 

Ame. And I've just learned a new romance, " Thy heart to me is 
closed." 

Mor. Oh, fie ! don't say that I I prefer something gay and brilliant. 
[Astde.'\ It keeps me awake. 
Ame. Ah ! here's one — " We're all Noddin'." 

Mor. We're all noddinr. I shall imagine I'm in an auction room. 

jf?ng. I'll see what else I have. \_Turns over her viusic. Morris meanwhile 
falls asleep in his chair.} Ah, here is something gay, Arthur ! Arthur ! 

Mor. [Dreaming.'] Coachman 1 driver ! to the opera house. 

A?ne. [Comiyig up amazed.} What does he say ? 

Mor. To the opera ball ! 
' Ame. Ah, he is asleep. He loves me no more. 

\_She dashes away a tear, at the same moment the door opens. 

Lam. [Outside.] Come in, my dear madam> come in, you are ex- 
pected. 

Ame. [Seizing her husband by the arm.} Arthur, somebody is coming 1 

Mor. [Jumping up.} "We won't go home till morning." [Aside.] I 
believe I was asleep. ' • 

^ ~^. Enter Anxie with Lamouret, KO 

Annie. All ! what a charming idea — an improvised soiree. It was 
your thought, was it not. Monsieur Morris ? Allow me to congratu- 
late you on its success! 

' ^^ [Mt*kk»s goes dbii^anrl^pTSffOKes the tsJiisUcthle. 

Both. [OuisideT][ My wife ? Where is my wife ? 

Annie. Now hear him. I can't once amuse myself without him. 

_. JE7iter BoTHEiiisE, a letter in his hand..f^^ 

Both. Here I am ! here I am ! Whist I Ice creams ! ah, ha ! Count 
U8 with you. Me and my wife ! 

Annie. Of course. x 

Both. My own darling, I am perfectly wretched. A dreadful press 
of business^it will make you miserable. 1 must quit you at mid- 
night ! 

Annie. Indeed! And why? 

Both. [With the letter.] My colleague, Desgranges, is ifi. I must 
go to the hospital in his place. 

Annie. Oh. what can one say? Duty is duty. [Aside.] I knew all 
about it three hours ago. 

Both. But you are so unhappy whenever I leave you. 

l<zm. [Atitle.] Krsfknnbled tat« ».dov« c«"frj hy J^lS* 



16 AMERICAKS IN PARIS. 

Both. \^Ande to Morrih ] I say, my friend, the broker, I've just coma 
from the Rue Jonibert 1 

Mor. What! Now? 

Buth. Yes, found a note from ber up stairs. " Come, come — I am 
dying — quick ! " I hurry ofl". 

Mvr. Well? 

Both. [Gaili).'\ Headache gone! the neuralgia come on. 

Mor. Indeed! neuralgia? 

Both. Ordered some barley-water with sugar in it, and charged ten 
francs! 

Mor. [Aside.'\ Neuralgia! she expects me, and I've promised to stay 
here ! 

Ame. [From the zchist table] Dear, are you coming to make the 
fourth with Dr. and Mrs. Botherer. 

Mor. Oh, certainly ! [Aside.] Devil take it, it might have been done 
on purpose. It's infernal ! [Crosses, L. 

Enter Joseph. GI 

Ah I Joseph, how about that ice cream ? 

Jos. I can't get any, .sir, there are so many ordered out. 

Mor. [Aside.] What an idea. 

Jos. I went too late, sir. 

Mor. Nonsense! it's only your ignorance; any Yankee would find 
enough in five minutes! 

Ame. Oh, well, its a trifle. 

Annie. We'll get along very well without them. 

Jos. And, indeed, sir, they can't be got. 

Mor. [Rising.] Pooh ! I'll bet I'll find them. 

Anw. What, my dear, you don't think of going out yourself, surely? 

Both. And so cold as it is? "^X^ 

Mor. Only a quarter of an hour, not a moment longer.^Lamouret 
pray take my hand. [They all look vp and remonstrate.] Nonsense, back 
in five minutes, with a whole Arctic region of ice creams ! K— 

[ Goes out. They take vp me cards. 

Both. [Rises and goes to window, -L.] I don't belicv^he'+t-bs-able tc 
fcxi tiie-Iki«e Q«Laci»r. 4'H. s»e %\*i*h wuy-lie gocs./*There — I knew it — 
there he goes toward the Rue Jombert. - 

Ame. The Rue Jombert ! Ah ! ^ \ [Faint s in c hair. 

Both. She faints ! The sal volatile .'^QuicK ! ^ ~~ 

[Lamouret jtands a surgeon%^xiv in mistake. 



END OF ACT I. 










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AMERICANS IN PARIS. 17 

ACT II. 

SCENE I. — Saloon at the Maison d-Or — Richly furnished. 

CoLOXEL De Sabres, r., De Lucexay, »., NskiweRix, Lamouret, b., 
Orouped around a small table, and drinking punch. 

Col. Now that you've tossed off your punch, my dear Monsieur X*^*^ 
Lamouret. pray toss us off your story. 

Lam. Really ? won't it bore you ? 

Col. Quite the contrary. You amuse us extremely. ■^* 

[Lamouret haws and drinks. 

Luce. By all raeang. We are comfortable here. The ball will keep, 
and as a husband I like to know what is going on. 

Cd. [I'utting down his glass.'] You were saying the husband went ^ 
out for some ice creams. ■ ^ 

Lam. Leaving me his substitute at the whist table. ' 

Col. Well? 

Luce. Then? ' 

Lam. Half an hour — an hour went by, Marlborough did not come 
back 

All. Marlborough! / 

Lam. The husband ! I hide the real name, you know. v 

Col. Ah, you are very discreet, for a gossip — pray go on. i 

Lam. You will understand, gentlemen, that this prolonged absence ^^y 
began to seem suspicious. Every body was embarrassed — every body 
played badly — the lady of the house looked miserably at the clock, 
and I — I laughed in my sleeve, thinking, '"bravo! this is very fine! 
this is warming up." 

Luce. But at last? for, after all, a husband must sooner or later 
come home ! 

Lam. When we broke up at midnight he hadu't reappeared ! 

All. Really? 

Lam. Still absent under a pretest of buying ice cream. 

Col. Did he go to Norway after them ? 

Lam. So you see it's quite clear that here we have a husband break 
ing bounds. 

Luce. And breaking forever I should say ! 

Lam. Well, these are the facts. As for the fruit of them — 

[He iiims his moustaches. 

Luce. [Rising; and passing io theleft 0/ Lamouret.] What a dangerous 
fellow you are ! We must look out for you? 

Lam. Let the story bo a warning to you, my dear de Lucenay, who 
have a charming wife, and pass all your nights at the club — at the 
balls. 

Luce. [Sitting doicn again.] Ob ! my wife adores me ! 

Lam. No doubt, but she is an ardent, passionate creature, who 




18 AMERICANS IN PARIS. 

wouldn't easily put up with an alfront. [Aside."] And I am always 
ready to avenge injured innocence ! 

Col. iSolemli/.'] My dear Monsieur Lamouret, do you know that if I 
were the husband of whom you have beeu talking to us. and should 
get wind of your gracious projects, I should give you just so long to 
live, as it would take to go from your rooms to the Bois de Vincennes. 
Say, with a good carriage — mine lor instance — ^just twenty-five 
minutes I 

Lam. By Jovel Colonel, you don't mean it. 

Col. [Taking out a cigar.'] I fall in love with a woman, and I fall 
out agaiu, but I won't have any man pull me out. For instance last 
week I was paying court to a lady. There was a young coxcomb who 
undertook to cut me out. I surprised him one morning. Came in on 
the two. 

Lim. And there was a dreadful quarrel ? 

Col- Not at all ! just these words : I said, " Sir, my carriage is at 
your orders." Half an hour afterwards we were facing each other at 
fifteen paces. He paid no more visits. [Hands Lamooret his cigars.] 
Do you smoke? 

Lam. No, thank you, don't use them. [Aside.] If I got Into a row 
with that fellow, I should inform the police. 

Luce. Well, do we sup here together ? [Crosses ia^., table. 

^^"^■Maa. With all my heart ! 

Jjuce. And you Colonel ? 

Col. Oh, certainly ! I went to-night to the Rue Jombert to bring 
a lady to the ball, but there was a neuralgia, and I saw a scene, just 
for a vase of flowers that the maid wished to put out on the balcony, 
and her mistress ran up, took the flowers away and boxed her ears. 
'O So the maid began to cry, and the mistress to scold. One " leave 
my house," the other " 1 will be revenged," and I took my hat, and 
bowed myself out ! 

Luce. So you are alone at the ball ? 

Lam. Oh, look for a consolation! Show your skill in finding a con- 
quest I 

Col. My dear sir. pray preach by practice. You have the air of a 
conqueror. You talk of your prowess, and you are always alone 
^>You walk about alone, you sup alone. Is it a vow you have taken? 

Lam. [Disdainfully.] I scorn facile victories ! 

Col. [Coming toivards him.] ^Bfe4-3E£-di4frH^-ma3ii L a miotake. There 
is no victory facile to a man who has not one, at least, of three good 
qualities. One must be either handsome, rich, or witty, and on these 
scores, my dear sir 

Lam. Eh ! I don't quite see ? ^ 

Luce. Handsome ! 

Col. Rich! 

Luce. Or witty. 

Lam. [Vexed.] Ah, laugh away, gentlemen. I'll make a bet with 
you. 

Col. Good! What is it? 

Lam. Let's bet supper that before an hour s time, I shall have 
made a conquest. [All laughing violently. 




^^'#*,^^^^^-s/' ^r^^^^^^i^^ (^.^j^aVb^- y^t^^^t^ /^^^t^y" 



AMEr.ICANS m PARIS. 19 

^. 

Col. I take the bet, however. [B.iptistb comes in with anvtlfer nmker.'] 
I say, waiter, keep a cabinet for throe o'clock, and put some cham- 
pagne on the ice. And now, gentlemen, to the opera ball. 

[3Iusic striken up a waltz. Moukls comes in as the CoLONEl^ and Lamoukht 
go out, tiilking together, ^ D. E.«d\Iouins seeing Lamouret, ivheels 
about and bants his face in a newspaper, ivhich he finds on the chimney- 
piece. 

Mor. \_Coming down forward.'] Cf. nfound that Lamouret ! What's he 
doing here? And that was the Colonel with him, I'm sure; and I 
think I saw Luconay, the broker. Well, its all rijiht now, and they 
are gone ; but I've met every body I know in Paris, to-night, at the 
Ball, and half of New York besides, it seems to me ! Waiter ? 

JJap. [R.J Sir? 

Jfor. [i.. To himself] In the boxes, in the corridor, every where, 
somebody in the way. "Ah! how d"ye do?" and "how's your 
wife ? " I suppose because one's married, one mayn't go to a masked 
ball. AVaiter ? 

Bap. Sir? 

Mor. I kept bobbing my head about till I thought it would drop off. 
I flattened my nose for ten minutes against a pillar. AVaiter ? 

[Angrily. 

Bap. Sir! ..r 

Mor. A private room and supper for two. U-' 

Bap. Oh, you needn't say that, sir? 

31or. What! 

Bap. Gentlemen don't come here alone, sir. No dances here, sir. 

Mor. Very well, I don't want any of your observations. [Loioer.] 
Have yon a cabinet with a private entrance on the small stairway ? 

Bap. We have two, sir. No. 10, and No. S. The famous No. 8. 

Mor. Famous or infamous, I take No. 8. 

Bap. Very good, sir. 

Mor. At three o'clock when I come in by thai door, a lady will come 
in by that door ! 

Bap. On the little stairway? All right, sir. 

Mor. You will let her in ? 

Bap. [Mysteriously.] Sir ? [Aside.] That's a married man. 

^f- [Music ceases. ^^ 

3for. Give me the bill of fare awl ?», g+ass^olab«s,t^(^ 

Bap. Immediately sir I Bun^t thay keep up thoii ' Imk, thuugh , 
these mai ' riod men . Wh e n I save aome mouoy) 1^11 mapry too, and 
have s o m»-fm»i~ [Exit, c. 

.Mor. Well, what ne.xt, I wonder. Here have I begun the night by 
Rtauding sentry for 2 hours in the balcony of the 3d floor. Rue Jom- 
bert, while Colonel de Sabres sat inside, with his feet at the fire mak- 
ing love to Madame Florentine. 1 was all of a shiver in the fog with- 
out, he all of a glow in the cozy room. [Rubs his shoulders.] That's 
the way people take rheumatisms, and then they go home, and say, 
"there was a window open behind me in the omnibus coming home," 
or I got my feet wet out shooting. And then there was that devilish 
servant girl camo near opening the window with the pot of flowers. 



20 AMERICANS IN PARIS. 

I try to be gay. I am indefatigable in hunting up amusement, it's of 
no use! I can't shake off a swarm of thoughts! What does it all 
come to? What shall I say to my wife to to-morrow"? Oh, Lord, if 
we could only have a revolution! or a great fire! or an earthquake! 
but no, it's not my luck! 

Bap. [Comes back.l Here sir, is the bill of fare and the absinth. 
And if Monsieur will pass into the famous No. 8, he will find peua 
and ink to order his own supper with, j- 

[Gves into the r. u. cabinet, ^E. R., andleaves the door open. 

Mor. After all what does it signify, let me go home late or early, 
I'm sure to be scolded! Well ! Waiter, I say 1 

C^ [Goes into the cabinet. 
[At the same moment a woman in a black domino, masked, comes in at the 

rltiddie d&kr, L. u. i). Ajielia and Botiierer — he wearing green spectu- 

cles, and with his collar turned up to hide the lower part of Jus face. 

Ame. [Taking off her mash.'] Come, doctor, come ! I saw him come 
in here! 

Both. [Taking off the glasses.] Are you quite surel Quite'? 

Aone. Very sure 1 It was he whom we saw under the peristile of 
the Opera House, just when I was giving up the search and asking 
you to take me home. 

Both. Much, be it observed, to my satisfaction and pleasure! 

Ame. And I am sure I saw him come over here. 

Both. And so, shall we go home 1 

Ame. Oh! doctor, not yet ! not yet! 

Both. Now, my dear lady, allow me ! you 

Ame. Monsieur Morris is here, certainly, but is he here alone, is he 
waiting here for some one. Ah, doctor, the peace of my whole life is 
at stake ! 

Both. Yes, madam, but what is becoming of my peace — my repose. 
[Takes out his watch.] It is two o'clock, madam, and ever since mid- 
night I have been enjoying the honor of following about with you 
after your husband, by the sacrifice of my duties as a husband and as 
a physician! 

Ame, Ah ! yes, reproach me with this service. 

Both. Far from it ! but 

Ame. To whom else could I apply? 
, Both. I am much flattered by your choice, but 

Ame. But at midnight, when Arthur still stayed away, my tears 
could no longer be restrained, then indignation came to my aid. I 
remembered what my husband had said in his sleep. 

Both. Eh 1 is he a somnambulist 1 

Ame. At once my resolution was taken. 1 thought of the Opera, 
put on this black domino — to go alone was impossible — I heard a door 

shut, heard you come down stairs 

Both. 1 had just given my farewell kiss to Annie, and whilst that 
dear soul was putting up her curls, I set off for my hospital 

Ame. At once I thought of you — of your kindness — I resolved to 

appeal to you 

Both. You took my arm. Madam, you captured me. I had fallen 
into an ambush. It was useless to resist. 



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AMEKICAXS I-\ PARIS. 21 

Aine. Ah ! if you knew what jealousy is ! 

Both. Jealousy] Not know what it is! It's an acute disease, Madame; 
but there's uotbiag ia the Materia Medica to reach it, and not mvch 
afi • 

gillie. Hush ! he isn't alone ! 

Jlu'.h. [Aside.] I shall never get away ! [Goes toward cabinet, B. 

Ame. Somebody's talking with hira. 

Both. [Listetiiiy.] It's a male voice ! 

Anie. 1)0 you think sol 

Both. [Decidedly.] No female lungs there, Madame. The waiter, I 
take it, he is not a Ganymede, nor your husband a Jupiter, so 1 sup- 
pose you won't be jealous of the waiter. 

Ame. Oh these emotions are unendurable ! 

Both. Then, dear lady, don't endure them. Pray come away. The 
thing is clear, Mr. Morris would come to the ball, and without you. 
He will sup and without you, and it's atrocious I admit. No husband 
has a right to sup without his wife ; but he might have done worse. 
So do let's come away. Eh 1 

Ame. Just one moment, doctor, to see his friends arrive ! 

Both. [Aside.] Oh, Lord! Oh, Lord! Now she must wait for the 
fricuds ! [Looks at his watch.] A quarter past two. [Aloud.] But, 
madam, if your husband should pass out and find himself dogged — 
find me at his heels. 

Ame. Oh, he'll never know it. he shan't know it, and thanks to 
this mask 

Both. But Tve no mask ! 

Ame. Oh, with those goggles, and that coat collar. 

Both. Decidedly, madam, you are too unreasonable ! I shall go, I 
am a physician, madam. Think of my patients, madam, if one should 
die. I am a husband, I owe it to my wife. 

Ame. Somebody's coming — hold your tongue. 
[Bids 0)1 her mask. Bothereb his glasses, and they converse together. 

Enter 'i5.o-RVi\s followed by Baptiste, R. D. 

Mor. Now you understand, at three o^chck. Oh 1 somebody here • 

[He turns up his coat collar. 

Bap. [Whispering Morris.] All right, six-. 

Mor. It seems to me I know every body I meet, and meet every 
body I know. [Goes up and tlien slyly wulks around Botherer aiul 
Amelia.] Ah ! it would appear that gentleman too is not over anxious 
to be recognised. Another noodle like unto myself! 

Both. [To Amelia.] He's going ! 

Ame. Let's follow him. 

Both. [Balnng his voice.] Ah! no, indeed ! 

Ame. Speak low ! 

Mor. [Stopping.] Eh 1 Don't I know that voice 1 

[He looks at Botherer a7id Botherer looks at him., their eyes meet. 

Both. [T'o A.MKi.iA.] He's watching us! 

Mor. [Coming down.] The deuce ! its very odd — that figure — that 
overcoat, by Jove it's he ! [Aloud.] I say, Botherer ! 
, Both. [InvoUmtary.] Eh! 



22 AMERICANS IN PAKIS. 

3Ior. Ah ! ha ! my boy. Pve caught you, have 1 1 

Both. [Aside.] I'm caught ! 

Ame. [Aside.] I shall be ! 

3for. Ho ! ho! my medical St. Anthony! this is the way we go to 
an hospital, is it 1 Are you studying the " Maris d Dor6e," from the ' 
scientific point of view 1 Ha! ha! 

BotJi. [Earnestly.] I assure you 

Mar. [Roaring loith laughter.] Ah, imposter! imposter ! Now, don't j 
say a word ! and to think how you took me in, and, as we say in New ' 
York. " did for me," and I thought you so green I oh ! oh oh ! 

Both. But I do declare to you 

Ayne. [To Botherer.] In the name of heaven, not one word. 

3Ior. Unhappy Botherer, if only your wife knew ? 

Both. My wife ! [Amelia stops him. 

^f^' Mor. Oh ! good gracious I didn't mean to say it. My dear doctor 
.i/ I am as bad as you were about the Rue Jombert. [Amelia starts.] j 
Just as bad.TSl beg a thousand pardons I And you, my dear madam, j 
must excuse me, 1 can only say that, like a poor friend bere, I tea I 
have a wife ! 

Both. Now he's in for it ! 

Mor. [With an afflicted air.] Alas! yes, my dear madam, we are I 
married. Don't blame us — we are very sorry for it. 

Both. Morris ! [Amelia stops him. 

Mor. [Tb Botherer.] Be quiet! [To himself.] I'll set it all right I 
Ah, madam, if you knew the misery, the monotony of married life 

Both. [Aside.] Go a head then ! as you say in New York. 

Mor. You shouldn't reprove us for the brief moments we give to 
the domestic Bastille. 

Both. [Aside.] Blockhead! blockhead! 

Mor. For as soon as we can break bounds, you wouldn't think us 
the same men. We are ail life and animation. My friend, the 
doctor, here at home a very Cato, a very saint for purity, once get 
him off on such an expedition as this, and he becomes more amusing 
than a light comedian, throws up his heels like a rope dancer. 

Both. Confound his impudence ! 

Mor. He kicks off his respectability like a pair of boots. [Amelia 
can hardly restrain the ijidignatimi of Botherer.] But I see I make 
three, so heaven forbid I should stay. I expect to be as well as your- 
Belf, my gay Esculapius, at three o'clock. [Bows to Madam*!. 

Ame. [Aside.] Heavens ! 

Mm-. Couldn't we all sup together, and make a night of it 1 

Ame. [0/1 Botheker's arm.] Ah! 

Both. [To Morris.] Hold your tongue, sir! If you knew before> 
whom you were speaking 

Mor. Oh ! no oflence ; I can respect the incognito of beauty. [Bmvs 
in a conceited manner.] Madame, adieu ! [To Botherer.] Adieu, you 
ycung rascal! [Exit, laughing immoderately, L. \!._%. 

Ame. Oh, doctor ! A chair ! a chair ! 

Both. [Catching her as she is about to faint.] Now then ! now then! 

Ame. Air, air ! I am fainting ! 

Both. [Seating her.] Well now, the job's perfect! [Rmffs the Ml.] 
Waiter ! Waiter ! 







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AMERICANS IN PARIS. *^ 23 



Enter Baptiste. c. 
Bap. Madame ? [Potwi i« 

Both. Quick! a private room a cabineU 

[ Hands the sal volatUc out of his medical bag to Amelia. 
Bap. Ah ! Iho l.idy is unwell ! ' "; 

Both. What is that to you ? Be Ja a hurry. [7b Amelia.] Courage 1 
Courao:e ! 
Amelia. IRising.l Ob. It'll be soon over ! 

Both. Heaven grant it. My poor head is going. ,-w/^/^ 

Bap. The room is ready, sir. *^^-<5-»^*^»^ i,^erty>^ OC*/. oo, 
Ame. [As (hey go to it."] Oh ! why did 5^ e>ei'^8ome%e(;e. 

'^ lExit, L. D. t E. 

Both. [^Exasperated.'] Exactly ! why did I ever come here ! [Looki 
at the clock.'] 20 minutes to 3. 

Bnp. AVhat shall I order, sir. 

Both. An infusion of Valerian, and be quick ! [Goes in L. 

Ba£. An infusion of Valerian ! why it's a dose ! fancy me roaring 
down stairs, '•Infusion of Valerian lor one !" [As Baptiste speaks 
Annie comes in, in a blue dominie, looking about her.] Apart.] Ah, a 
lovely domino. [Aloud.] Madame is looking for some one ? 

Annie. Yes, three ladies. . f w=> 

Bap. Three ladies? - ^Kf^<s^xf c?^r»^^-7. CC? ' 

Annie. You have not seen them ? 

Ba;p. Three ladies dressed as firemen, in company with eight gea 
tlemen ? 

Annie. [I'rightened.] Good heavens, no ! three ladies alone ! 

Bap. Alone ? we haven't any such here, Madame ! but it's still 
early, Mudame. 

Annie. I suppose I may wait ? 

Bap. Certainly, and what shall I bring Madame ? A Punch ? 

Annie. [Aside.] I must take something. [Aloud.] A Punch ? No 
indeed ! a glass of sugar and water. 

Bap. Infusion of Valerian ! sugar and water ! >• yT^ ^ ) 

Voice outside. "Waiter, waiter 1 3 champagne punchesA /^-*-^^*-*-*j/^^^'^<- 

Bu2}. [Going out c ] Ah ! there is the genuine article ! 

Annie. [Taking off her mask.] What a woman, to leave me alone in 
that mob. Ah ! Madame Giraud I phan't forget this trick ! But what 
has become of them ? I can't go home alone ; I dont wan't the ser- 
vants to know of the matter. And there's my poor husband who 
thinks me sound asleep. [Tlie door opens.] Heaven's, somebody's 
coming. [Puts on her mask again. 

Both. [Coming out and sjieahing to Amelia tvithin.] I'll fetch a cab! 
Eh ! what do you say. [Goes back for a moment. 

^/iWi'e. Why it's himself ! It's Botherer ! It's a dream! but no, I'm 4 
wide awake as usual. [Laughs.] Ah, Botherer that's your way of watch- 
ing the sick, is it ? drinking here with your colleagues, wetting your 
grave old whiskers with champagne, it's very odd, very lucky too — 
I'll just fool him a little, and then we'll go home together, or back 
to the ball which was so funnv. 

Both. [Re-enters.— To himself] She's come to her senses, she agrees 
to go home. [Annie takes his arm as he is going out.] 1 beg your pardon 
Madame, you've made a slight mistake. 



< 



21 AMERICANS IN PARIS, 

Annie. [Disguising her voice."] Oh, no I 

Jioth. No ? But you have though ! Do you know me ? 

Annie. Ah, yes! 

Both. [Aside.'] Humph ! well it's some patient of mine. [Aloud-I 
I am quite sure Madame, I am can't be of aay use to you just now. 

Annie. Oh, yes, you can. 

Both. Are you ill ? Then go home at once, and send for me. I 
don't prescribe here, and I beg you to let go my arm. If anybody 
should see us in this position, it would compromise me as a married 
man. 

Annie. [Following him.] Good Botherer, always thinking of me. 

Both. [Trging to go.] Madame ! au revoir ! 

Annie. [Slopping hivi.] Allow me ! 

Both. [Aside.] Some designing wretch. [Aloud.] Madame, I am iu 
haste. May I ask what you want ? 

Annie. A service. 

Both. [Aiide.] Another woman ! [Aloud.] Madame , do you happen 
to have a husband. 

Annie. Yes. 

Both. Then I'll bet he's caracoling about at the ball. 

Annie. Yes, alas ! 

Both. Are you running after him? 

Annie. Exactly. 

Both. And you want me to travel in your caleche ? 

Annie. You've hit it. 

Both. [Aside] Upon ray honor the best thing I can do, is to laugh 
at it all. [Aloud.] My angel, you must let me go, I have wasted 
enough time, though I am going Tor a cab. Release me, if you please. 
Good Lord, Madame, iaftSKy^a you are pinching me. 

Annie, [Choking with laughter.] Monsieur, I intreat you. 

Both. [Aside.] It's an adventuress. Let's destroy her hopes. 
[Aloud.] Madame. I am here with a friend. 

Annie. [Gaily.] Ah! 

Both. With a lovely friend, Madame. 

Annie. [Troubled.] Eh? 

Both. A lovely woman, Madame. 

Annie. A woman. 

Both. Moreover, she is as jealous, and as savage as a tigress ! 

Annie. [Aside.] Oh, heavens ! 

Both. And I'm going for a cab to take her away, sorry to be obli- 
ged to quit you so abruptly. 

Annie. [9krjgevifig^t(f>a>eItHi>t.Y0h, I shall faint. 

Both. [Aside.] Oh, I know all about that sort of thing ! now I'm 
rid of her ! this night ought to balance two nights on duty in the Na- 
tional Guard. [Exit, l. u. e. Music. 

Annie. [Drops her mash andftHh mtothe ckaiv h.] A woman! I .shall 
faint. [Energetically.] No, I won't! No! [Rushes to door of cabinet 
L. and throws it wide open.] Come out Madame, Come out, I say ! I 
know all ! [Amelia comes out.] Heavens ! Amelia ! 

Ame. Annie. 
' Aimie. You with my husband. 




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AMKRICANS IN PARIS. ^^ 25 

Ame, Ob, don't be concorned. I carried him o(T by force, almost, to 
hunt up my husband (or me. My husband who is a deceiver aad 
traitor. 

Annie. Your husband. Oh, my dear, I am so delighted to hear it. 

Ame. What! 

Annie. Oh, excuse me, I am so glad it wasn't my husband, who in 
a — 

.^me. I'oK glad of that. You, who this very evening complained 
to me of Boiherer's devotion. Why I thought you wanted him to 
run away from you. 

Annie. Oh, yes, it's all very well to say that, when one's sure that 
he woTi'i run away. But my dear, my dear. [Takes her hand.] What 
have you learned ? what have you learned ? 

^7ne. My husband is at the ball with a woman who is coming hero 
to sup with him. ^l^[Stop music. /Q( 

Annie. Horrible! Oh you must make a scandal — we have our 
rights — we must maintain them — never again shall my husband leave 
me/ar one single, minute. 

Ame. But you ? Are you right in being here ? 

Anuie. Oh, ihal'.s Madame Giraud's fault. 

Ame. So I guessed. 

Annie. You know what I said to you. Well, she came after Bbth- 
erer had gone ; she insisted, so I came, came with her friends Mes- 
dames Fairwell and De Lucenay, and I lost them and lost her. Only 
I left ! I; perfectly alone in the midst of a sea of promenaders, and 
they are so impertinent at the masked ball, you've no idea. Even 
Mr. Loveit was there, and would insist upon my supping with him. 

Awe. Did he recognise you ? 

Annie. TiiaTkk fer*un«, n« ; h% fc SHct £Ng»€n»d»I Biowgar ! At last 
I got away here, when I hoped to find my party, and where I did not 
expect to find you. Now tell me how shall I get home ? 

Ame. I can save you I ; 

Annie. How? \ 

Ame. You really want to get away ? ! 

Annie. Indeed I do ! ', ■ 

Ame. And I really want to stay. 

Annie. Well . — ■ — 

Ame. Your husband will be back in five minutes with a cab. Let 
ns change dominos. You keep on your mask, and be miserable, cry 
if you can, all the way home, there the Doctor will leave you, and 
hurry on to his hospital. 

Annie. Oh, that's delightful. ^^ 

Ame. Come be quick, some one's covamg. jJ^They ao into cahinet.^^^^ 

%^' 9> 

Snter Lamouket and Col. De Sabues,-*.. ^^.B. Lamouret stes A">-jhe as 

Jjom. My blue domino. \Ih runs after her but she slams the door. OC^^-^ • 

Col. Well my dear Monsieur Lamouret in ten minutes you'll have 
lost your bet. 
Lam. In ten minutes I shall have won it ! 
Lxice. Pooh, pooh where is your conquest? 



26 AMBRICAKS IX PAHI8. 

Lam. Where T No matter, wait a little, heavenly arms, blue dom* 
ino. 

Luce. [Laughing.] Heavenly blue? 

Col. 1 did see yon talking to something of the sort, but where is 
Bhe now ? 

Lam. [Goes l.] There ! in that cabinet. Gcctlemen stand aside 
and don't interrupt, sec, slie is comiu,!; out. 

[Amklia comes out xvith the mask end domino of Annie. 

Ame. [Fancying /uihI/ alone ] 1 hcaid a noise ptrbaps it was Arthur. 

Luce. [Aiide.] That domino is duviiii-h like my wife. -^ 

Ante. [Aside] Could it liave been Arthur. [Seeing Lamouret — aloud.] 
Oh. heavens ! 

Lam. So I've caught you at last, have I, angel! witch ! siren ! de- 
mon ! sylph. 

Ame. [Aside\i'mfear.] What will become of me ! 

L'im. The chase tas been long, my dearest charmer but what a prize 
at last. 

Luce. [To himself.] Just my wife's height and Ogure. If I wasn't 
sure that, my wife adores me! 

Ame. [Aside, ivhile Lamouket makes signs to his friends.] I shall be lost 
if he learns that I am here alone. 

Lam. [Lilerrtipting her.] My beauty I to the point at once. Let us 
take some supper. 

Ame. [Terrified.] Sir! 

Lam. You know my sentiments already. Now try my supper. I 
have made a declaration to you at the ball ; I now offer you a bill of 
fare, to supper. 

Ame. Leave me, sir. Leave me. [She tries to go. Lamouret detains 
her. IIi.i friends all. laugh ] Let me go. sir ! [At this moment Morris ap' 
pears. She runs and takes his arm. Morris looks surprised.] 

Mor. Well now, what's the row? 

Lam. [Aside.] iVj^rrilJ My AmericanrparagdV ! Wj^at a discowr/I 
. [.4^0 Lamouret ! LaRToui/t again. V^'^ / /\. 
[Aside.] fLt was aW^etfncertea thiug.^i^Vkgot the cl)M tosit 




riadamft I beg — 



Ame. [7/1 a lota voice and holding his arm] Arlhur, save me. _ 

Morris. [Aside.] Arthur, she knows me — it is Madame Florentine ! 

Col. [Coming forward ] I think 1 see Mr. Morris. 

3Ior. [Aside and troubled.] Colonel De Sabres! 

Cul. Ah, Ah Mr. Morris. So you have given into our Paris cus- 
toms at last, have you ? 

Mor. [Aside] How shall I ^et out of this business? 

Lam [Whispers to CotoNEL.] It's the husband wijo weni after tlvi 
i5<» cK*wr*. 

Col. [Whi'<pers.] Ah, hiiii Hinvin) w«mhsr>h»^'s-oon4T»wW. _ 

Lam. [Crossing over to Lucenay and Mangbmn] It's the ice cream 
man. ^. ., 

Luce. [To himself] I was a fool. The idea of suspecting my wife. 

Col. Monsieur Morris, we beg pardon for interrupting you— boreing 
you perhaps. 



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AMEniCA.NS IN PARIS. 27 

Mor. Oh, no! gh, no! Don't tbiiili it. [Aside] Whut shall I do, if 
he ijrows more riotous ? 

Col. [ Wliifpcn to MoKras.j A married man doesn't alwnys care to be 
bo r<'COj;iiis((l. [Passes vj) Imcards his friend. 

M'r. [Anide] Ah, a capital idea strikes me. [Low to Amelia.] Be 
cool, dear Florentine. 

Aine. [Aside.] Dear Florentine! 

Mor. [BcuTing Amelia i..] This lie will serve both of us. [Aloud.] 
Well, p;enllemen, I have come to the opera ball, and to amuse myself. 
I suppose a man may amuse himself, if he is a foreigner, with his 
wife ! 

All. His wife!! 

Ame. [Aside.] What does be mean? 

Mor. iMy wife, whom I left here for a moment to find heron my 
return, (tie o'yect of poi'sccjation. 

Col. Wliicb we all dis^wiTmost decidedly ! 

Liin. [J i w i imlhfi] Gi ' i ' taiiily, I iieiar .^ufyjectod thftt M rs . Muub . 
[ Wtnspcis to CoLONEj, ] It is not his wife, I kuow. 

Oil. [To Lamouiikt.] ril find out whether it is or not. [Crosses to 
MoKui.s] Monsieur Morris, since we have been so fortunate as to 
meet Madame and yourself, I hope you will do us the honor to sup 
with us us. 

Lam. [Aside.] Delicious! He's caught. 

Mor. [Aside] Then all's up. [Aloiid.] Certainly, sir, we are delight- 
ed — but ihefact, is — indeed — we — I have engagements— in short — 

Ame. [Aside] Oh, yes. I know your engagements. 

Col. [Boils to Au-EiAx.] Pei haps Madame will lend a kinder ear to 
us. 

Ame. [Rising.] Yes, sir ! we will sup with you, and with pleasure. 

Mor. [Sliipijifd.] Eh? 

AH [TlLunder.striicl>\] She accepts! 

Ame. [Aside] Now, I've got him, and Madame Florentine shall 
sup alone. 

M)r. [To Amklta.] You've ruined me ! 

Lam. [To his.fnends.] Di\ yx)\i see h mv vexed he looks. 

Liice. Jn fact its odd.^''! mu.-t fio(rriinr=:=~->''^"^ 

Jiiip. [Goma x in wUh e kampa ^ jfiK, and whijpin <i) Monnio.] The lady 
is in 'Number 8. 

Mor. [Amazed ] The lady ! What lady. 

Bop, What lady ! The lady you expected. 

[Points to the door and exits by another C. 

Mor. [Slariyig at Amelia.] What, and who in the world then is this 
lady ? 

lAtm. [Overhearing him, and aside.] Another ! then there are two ri- 
vals. Another chance for me. 

Col. Mr. Morris, yon will come with us. 

iljr. [Emharrassc'l] Oh. yes — of cour.se— immediately — but — e.tact- 
ly no — only I ju^t w sli to sav one word to my wife. 

Ca. We'il wait for yon. ' ^ 

[The friends enter the middle door, tut Lamouket comes softly back. 

Lam. I've won my supper. _^ [SLips into b. u. cabinet. 



ao AMEBICANS IN PARIS, 

Mor. Now then, they're gone ! Well Madame. [Amelia faUs into 
a chair in a fit of laughing ] Well, Madnme. I hope you wi..l fiud all 
this Very fiuiriy. Ifs iiilamous! It's iiisutt'urable ! 

Ame. \J)i^gxming her voice."] Now, why do you put yourself into such 
a dtHadfiil pjission ? 

Mor. Why ! Why do you, Madame. Why do you accept my arm, 
and drag me into an awful scrape, and get me into all manner of mis- 
cbitC in return for my protection of you ! And why do you now dis- 
guifo your voice? 

Ame. Because I don't want you to know me ! 

Mor. But Madame, / want'to know you. I insist upon knowing 
you ! 

Ame. Who am I ? Well, sir, since you insist upoij knowing — I am 
—I am the wife of a gentleman whom you have seen on the Ex- 
change! 

M'r. On the Exchange? 

Ame. And who is in this house at this moment. 

3[<ir. \^Aside'] Good heavens I it is Lttcen ay ! 

Ame. This husband of mine, whom I love, this husband is a traitor I 
he deceives me ! 

Mur. [Aside ] I always suspected that Lucenay. 

Ame. Yes, deceives me. and for a woman, who no doubt deceives 
him in his turn, and for her sake, he disturbs my home and makes 
me wretched. 

Mor. [Ear?iestli/.'\ It is abominable of him! 

Av)e. And yet I dare say this woman is neither as young nor so 
good looking as myself. 

Mor. [Aside.} I'\e no doubt of it, for Madame Lucenay is charm- 
ing. 

Ame. And so, sir, in my indignation, my excitement, I resolved to 
punish this deceiver, to punish — 

3Ior. You are quite right. 

Ame. Yes. to revenge myself upon him. [Ri.finff.] and it is of you, 
sir, that I ask assistance in my purpose. 

Mor. [Delighted.'] Of me ? I, Madame! I — I renounce all other 
other engagements. I will be your protector — Your Champeroa. 

Ame. [A.'fide and angrily.] The base perfidious creature ! 

Mor. [Taking vp his hat ] Whither shall I conduct Madame. ^ 

Am.e. Anyvvlure! anywhere! to your own house. 

Mor. My own house ! and what will my wife say ! ^^^^ 

They are going off, when the Coloxei. comes out of the cabinet, a letter in 
his hand. 

Col. [Coldly] Allow me, sir. 

3for. [Aside.] The devil take him ! [Aloud.] I am very sorry, but 
we wust go. My wife has changed her mind. 

Col. [Coldly] Oh, I understand all about that. Be good enough to 
read this note, which I have just received. 

Mor. What do I see — an anonymous letter. My name. [Aside.] It 
tells the whole story of Madame Florentine. 

Col. It's very base I know— the pitiful revenge of some servant, 






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AMERtCAKS IN PARIS. 29 

whn has been turned off, or of some lover who has been snubbed, but 
the fact rpinaiup. 

Mor. Sir? 

CoL Yes* sir. Yoii had an cngajx^ment here to night with Ma 
(lame Florentine. [Boirs to Amelia.] I know now why Madame was 
so much anitafed whrn ^he looked upon my face. 
"* Jffor. Sir. yon are deceived. This is worMadame Florentine. 

Col. Then will Madame oblige me liy removing her mask. 

3tor. You have no right to request it ! 

CoL Then I address myself to you, sir. 

Mor. Just as you please. 

Sito- LCCENAY, C. ^^^t>^^^f ^^ 

Col. And M. Lucernay. here will act as our second. 

Lure. I. your second. [Agitated.] Not I, sir — I am a principal here. 
Not a second, fori divine the face that is hid behind that mask. 

Mor. [Aside.] What? 

Ltice. The wife of Monsieur Morris on this occasion is my wife! 

Col. No sir, it is Madame Florentine. 

Lvce. No sir, it is my wife 1 

Mor. It is neither the one nor the other, but my wife, sir's, as I 
have said. 

• Lnce. and Col. And as we deny. 
( Mor. Der y ! 
I Both, Fla-ly. 

y Luce. I am ready, sir. to support my denial. 
) Col. And, I pray, choo.=e between us. 
I Mur. I won't choose. I will fight both at once, if you like. 
^- [Amei-ta passes between the Coloxel and Lucen'AT. 

Luce. [To Amelia.] This thing shall not end here, Madame. [Ame- 
lia unmasks and lorJcs in hi,s/ace.] Oh, Lord ! 

Col. Fal.«e woman, never. Amf.ia.k. turns to him.] Good heavens 1 

L'ice. [Boirs to Mourjs ] Sir, I l)eg your pardon. 

Col [Dotving to Mounr.s.] AVhen one is iu the wrong — 

Luce. The duty of a gentleman — 

Col. Is to recognise his fault. 

Luce. And to repair it at once. 

Col. And in the lullest manner. 

Both. Pray sir. accept our amplest apologies. 

Mor. [Amazed.] What does it all mean? 

Both. Let us hope the matter will end here, sir. 

Mor. Pray inform m^ gentlemen) what hao brought y e u B« ouddon - 
ly tn youp nonnc a' ? <2) - 

Both. Madame. [Bowing to the ladt. 

LrcEXAT exits hy middle dor— the CoLOXEL turns to the same direction and 

Lamoiret appears from R. u. door. — 9- <r >.* AJtr^) 

J. aB ». [ 1F/ i frjit , rr \o Monni s .] All'c right in (h t m - 
Ch\. ThcFcl 



80 AMERICANS IN PARIS. 

rfi wM i S bB /g/xMcinJi ond I ain t o tals a hop away . 

f'ui'. [?'u L.n i ieuiLLL.] YuLi mu at ?upt)ei. 

La w n YuO ) i ^u won w ij^ bet! 
^Jle re-enters his cabinet — the Colonel looks in after him and starts with 
/i/*^ surprise. 
lU^ Col. Ah, lia Lwe shall see. <:i/!'3.£[Exit,1jJ^ 

Anie. Well now, sir, tbat we are alone — " ■ •" 

.Mor. Now that we are alone and I saved by a miracle from two duels 
I have to say to you Madame Floieutiue, that am your servant and 
that I renounce you forever. 

Ame. [Repressing her satisfaction.'] Can it be ? 

Mor. Yes, Madame, think what you like of me, and of American 
gallantry. You shan't complain, at least of American honesty. I 
shall never see you again. 

Ame. Sir, you don't so easily get rid of me. 

Mor. liut I tell you, Madame, I mean to go home at once. 

Ami. Very well, then I'll go with you. 

Mor. Madame, you forget that I am a married man. I admit that 
I don't behave like one, but it is true, and my wife is the best of wo- 
men, and the loveliest. 

Ame. [IronicuUy .] Ah ! 

Mor. Yes, Madame — and I love her — and I alwashave loved her— 
and I've played ihe fool and the mule long enough, but I will try 
and make amends to h>.'V, for a faul. of which she knows nothing. 

Amr. But of which she she shall know everything, and from me. 

Mor. Merciful heaven, are you my evil genius 1 AVhy did I ever 
come to Paris. 

Ame. I will tell her all. 

Mor. [Falls mi his knees.] I intreat — I implore you. She is not a 
French woman — she does not believe all men deceivers by nature — 
she trui^ts me . In heaven's name, do not destroy her confidence in 
me now, when I am resolved to deserve it. 

Ame. I will tell it all ; 1 have told all ; she knows all! 

[Takes off her mask, 

Mor. Amelia! My wife ! [lie tries to rise. 

Ame. [Preventing him ] No. stay where yon are — where you ought - 
to be.. All ! you have been guiliy, very guilty. 

Jlor. Yes, yes, I have, and 1 own it, and as senseless as I have 
been guilty. 

Ame. [Looks at him and S7ndes.] I know how you have been tempted 
— how you hiive been misbd. Y''ou are not a very bad creature, 
though alter all ; and I now believe you do love me, and that does 
xcuse. 

Mor. Everything? 

Ame, Something ! 

Mor. Ah, yes. My wife, my dear, dear wife. 

- Ame. YtJ. your dtai w i fy, wbo^ ^a a -oav ^d y^tt from — 

— c^, S. <S. Oilier BoTUEKER, L., does not see Amelia. 
Both. Morris, vou are lost ! 
Mor. £h ? bow so ? 



^J-^P^T^ /^<:rf^<<£'^^ A/t^^^. ^^^^^^^^ ^ 







AMERICANS IX PARIS. ^ 

Both. I found a cab at last, get your wife into it-- 

Mor. Mji wife ! 

Both. Yes. your wife who was then in that cabinet, and I have dri- 
Ton buck, still leaving; my hospital, to tell yo'i she knows all. 

Ame. [Cunus foni-ii}d.'\ Aiul she pardons all ! 

Jioth. [Anwzetl.] Ah ! logflher. Well Madame, do I uo sooner get 
you in tin- cab. than off you come again. 

Ame. \^AsiJe.'\ Annie is .safe, lie never recognised her. 

BotU. Now you are ia blue, just now you were in black. Who the 
deuce did I put in my cab ? Exit, L. 3 E. 

Ame. 'Tis Annie, I changed dominoes with her. 

J/cir. Annie! It's all right. Ha! ha! ha! I can't help laughing 
at the doctor's amazemeul as he discovers her in the cab. 

Enter BoTiiKREK and Assie.O^-/'. <X> , 

Both. My dear Annie, why da i find yon l is f a ? You surely did not 
come heic to meet your 6/-oA:<;- .? [Looking at Morris.] I'm a lr ai d you 
are on a bt-ndcr, a s l liw y t ny i n Nuw Yui ili i 

Atinie- iMy dear husband I will ti'll you. From a few words of Ame- 
lia's, whicli I accidentally overheard. 1 suspected that she was going to 
the Opera Ball in pursuit of lier husband ; and — and- feeling much 
alarmed for her safety. I veas induced to accept Madame Giraud's in- 
vitrttion to accompany her to the ball, where I was fortunate enough 
to lind Amelia, and you, my dear husband. [They embrace. 

Both. Well my dear Aniiii'. I am glad you are here, here are our 
friends, and since virtue is triumphant, I'll put you in your carriage 
and be otf to the Ho.epital ; and as they say in New York. '• never go 
on a bender again." Now, then friends, since virtue is triumphant, 
I'll just put you in your carriage and be off to the Hospital. Up with 
your coat collar for the last tivte, \ei U3 hope in your life. [To Mr 
Mouuis.J And now come. 

Enter Lamouret. Yl^*^* ^ ' 
C Lam. Huzza ! hai?a ! She is perfectly fascinated. I shall win 
m/ wager, and now my friend, the Colonel, perhaps. 

Both. Oh, by the bye, Lamouret, that reminds me I have a message 
for you. 

Lam. I trust it's not from a lady, doctor, for really— just now— 

Boih. 01) ! bless you, do. It's from Colonel de Sabres. 

Lnm. Ah, ha! 

Both. Y'es. He says you'll thoroughly comprehend it. First, I'm 
to ask you what your chance is ot winning your wager. 

Lnm. Capital — excellent — all but certain. 

Boih. E.xactly— then I'm to tell you emphatically that he is waiting 
for you, and that his carriage is at your service. 

Latn. Aohast ! Iluu— eh— yes— she is— I wish you all good even- 
ing. ^ [Exit hastily. y^yCS^ 

Enter De Sacrks, l. h., crosses to R., aad exit — Then Luce.vat sanu 
business. 
Both Now what the deuce is the matter with him 1 However, I've 



32 AMERICANS IN PARIS. 

giren my message, so come let us be oflP, we are about the only peo" 
pie left here, I think. 

Mo7-. Not t'xactly.. Here are a few that it would be as well, per- 
haps, to liid farewell to. 

Both. Ob, by the bye, yes, to be sure. Ladies and gentlemen, have 
seen us safely throujih ourscveral entanglements, and we rosoectful- 
Ij bid you good-night. If, however, my services will, in your opin- 
ion, be of any avail to any of you, I shall at all times, be happy to 
return. And, if I am not always on the spot, there are partmrs of 
mine, who have practised with me fur some years, who will do the 
best for your case. One thing I must mention : don't send for me in 
cases of neuralgia or headache, because it is very clear that one of 
my partners understands those complaints much more thoroughly 
than I do. In th^ meantime, as the remedy for ennui and low spirits 
which you have so kindly taken tonight is it's composer's first mix- 
ture, pray allow the old i»»actiti(»iier to recommend the young be- 
ginner to your beet indulgence and consideration. 



tBI mKV, 



aiiiiil 

0015 762 320 5 



